Kids of Deployed Parents Often Act Out
By Digest • Jan 1st, 2009 • Category: Deployment Newsletter, Parenting, Relationships
What You Should (And Shouldn’t) Do About It
A new study shows that children of military personnel deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan are significantly more likely to have behavior problems than kids whose parents aren’t deployed. That’s no surprise to anyone who’s had to be a single parent during a deployment. Being both mom and dad to your kids while your soldier is away is a difficult task, but there are some things you can do to make it easier.
Talk to your soldier about how much he/she wants to be involved in the daily parenting duties. Sometimes regular email and phone communication isn’t available, so the homefront spouse has to make decisions alone. Get on the same page about major issues like punishment, curfews and house rules before your spouse leaves. And talk to your kids about those issues. “Kids need to see you as geographically separate,” says Army Chaplain Scott Delbridge, “but united in parenting decisions.”
If you have small kids, keeping them busy can make the time go faster for all of you. And sticking to a daily routine helps kids adjust when one of their parents is deployed. Delbridge says you should be vague about the details of why the deployed parent is gone. “Mommy/Daddy has to be gone for work” is easier for a child to digest than the details of military service – especially when your kids have access to TV news which might scare them.
If your kids are older, resist the temptation to lean on them to help you get through the deployment. “It’s important that parents have a support system that doesn’t include their children,” says Delbridge. “You shouldn’t talk to your kids about the fact that you’re having a hard time.”
Find people to lean on while your spouse is gone. A reliable babysitter, doting grandparents or an understanding friend can all be part of your network of support during a deployment. And remember to take time for yourself. Recharging your own batteries when things get stressful is the best thing you can do for your children.
Read about how Kelly handled her kids during the deployment.
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