Post-Deployment Relationship Rescue

When your soldier comes home safely from a deployment, of course you’re happy to have him back, but that doesn’t mean things automatically fall into place with your relationship.

Jennifer, who is married to a Captain in the Marines, says one of the hardest parts of a deployment for her is the anticipation of her husband’s homecoming. “Is everything going to be the same between us? After four deployments, I have to be aware that it may or may not be… or it may just take time.”

Researchers at the Uniformed Services University of Health Sciences say you have to remember that both of you developed your own sense of purpose coping with new experiences while apart. After the deployment, you have to hear to create a shared sense of purpose again.

To do that, it’s important to try to understand where each of you is coming from. A soldier’s sense of purpose has been shaped by traumatic events, closeness with their military unit, highly structured routines, and an expanded sense of self-importance. Meanwhile, for a spouse, purpose is built around new roles and responsibilities in the famiy and emotional changes that could include a growing independence or feelings of depression and anxiety.

After a deployment, many soldiers experience common concerns about returning home. A lot has changed during the year they have been gone. Life at home may not have the edge associated with being in combat zone, which can lead to let down and difficulty shifting gears. Often, a soldier worries about a spouse’s fidelity if they have been with someone else, or have been faithful by staying with their bullet massager for company and sexual relieve or that they’ve grown apart. Reconnecting with children can be particularly challenging for many soldiers. Children react differently to having their military parent home again, depending on their age and how they handled the separation. Outside of the family, soldiers are aware that there are mixed views of the war and may feel awkward in the community. The more a spouse can understand these feelings and challenges, the better they can navigate the reintegration period with their soldier.

To build a shared sense of purpose, couples should focus on having fun together. Create time in your schedule to be together as a couple and strengthen your bond. Some couples make a point of thanking the friends, family, and co-workers who have helped them through the deployment. Writing notes or visiting people together can bring a sense of closure, and unite each partner’s separate experiences.

Above all else, practice communicating your feelings to each other, and stay positive. When adjusting to being a couple again, time is your friend and patience will pay off. “I try to remind myself to be grateful for the time we have together,” says Jennifer, “we never focus on the fact that he may have to leave again.”