Here’s a great Article from Military Spouse Magazine online.
(I am also a subscriber to this magazine, and I love it! Lots of helpful information and tips – especially for deployment!)

Why do you feel angry before a deployment?
by Whitney Bailey

If you’ve gone through a deployment, you are probably familiar with the cycle of emotions as your spouse’s departure draws near. Apprehension, sadness, depression and … anger? Sometimes that anger can catch us by surprise, but if you become angry over an upcoming deployment, know that you are not alone. Anger is a very common response, whether it’s directed towards terrorists, the military, or even your own spouse. But why do we get so angry, and how can we learn to control it?

Loss of Control
Many psychologists believe that a loss of control is directly related to two emotions: anger and depression. Don’t these sound familiar? We have so much control over what we do in life these days. We choose our college, our career, our spouse, and often where we live. Since a deployment can take away that sense of control, anger is often the inevitable next step.

To let go of this type of anger, first recognize what you can and can’t control. You can’t hide your spouse in the closet and you can’t bring about world peace. Your spouse has a job to do and sometimes life isn’t “fair.” Once you accept the fact that you can’t control the situation, learn instead to control your response.

A few days after my husband left for his deployment, our gas grill blew over, sending glass shards scattered across the patio. I called him in anger. “How could you let this happen?” I spit out in frustration. Was I really mad at my husband for not securing the grill? No, but I was scared because I couldn’t lift it back in place by myself and I suddenly had a backyard full of glass. Instead of reacting to a situation I could not control with anger, I should have instead chosen to control my reaction towards my husband.

Sometimes Fear and Anger are the Same
When I find a spider in the bathtub, my first reaction is one of anger. “Ahhh! I hate spiders!” I’ll shudder as I search frantically for a very long stick with which to kill it. Of course, I don’t actually hate spiders, I’m just knee-knockingly afraid of them. My anger is really just a mask for the fear that’s behind it.

Our anger at a spouse over leaving for a deployment can often be that same mask. The night before my husband departed for a 15-month deployment, I lashed out at him, accusing him of leaving me all alone. Despite my vitriol-laced tirade, I was not angry – I was petrified of being on my own.

Recognizing that your anger is really fear can be the first step towards letting it go. If you realize you’re afraid, not angry, you can learn ways to address that fear. Are you scared of sleeping alone at night? Take additional security measures and get a dog if it will give you peace of mind. Will you worry about your spouse if you don’t hear from him every day? Speak with him about your fear and set realistic expectations for how often he will contact you. Anger can be a difficult emotion to manage, but fear can be an easy one to control if you recognize it for what it is.

You’re in Control
Don’t let your anger control you and avoid the pitfalls an ugly attitude can bring. You are not the only spouse who has gotten angry over a deployment, but how you deal with that anger can affect those around you. Accusing your spouse of leaving you in the lurch can leave him feeling anxious and distracted as he enters a potentially dangerous area. Telling your children that the military is making daddy do something he doesn’t want to do can pass your anger along to them. Realize that anger is contagious and don’t let it spread. Share your fears, frustrations, anxiety and of course, anger, on the MilSPOUSE.com message boards and help other spouses control that nasty emotion.

Read more about Katie’s Deployment Anger.