When I chose Kelly to be my deployment “Battle Buddy,” the appeal was two-fold. One, she knew what I was going through, without me having to explain it. Two, she’s funny. REALLY funny. I can’t tell you how much less stressful that made my life. Kelly helped me laugh through the decision not to take the Xanax my doctor prescribed (but keep it in a drawer…. just in case); the many hours of ‘why am I putting myself through this and am I really strong enough to do it’ soul-searching, and the 5 hour road trip that ended in the funeral of one of the men in our husbands’ unit. Like good relationships, good friendships are forged in laughter. Even now, Kelly’s ability to laugh with me helps get me through the ridiculous difficulty of the post-deployment period.

But I had another deployment survival tool that proved invaluable: the funny civilian friend. Sarah and I met halfway through the deployment at a writers conference. She had never met my husband and knew nothing about the military. We really had nothing in common. But, man, was she funny.

I was at the hotel bar, talking to someone who was showing me pictures of the dozens of offspring produced by her un-neutered pets. (NOT endearing to someone who volunteers at shelters.) Sarah was ordering a drink, and must have noticed the deer-in-the-headlights look on my face.

“Katie?” she exclaimed, hugging me.
(We were wearing very large name tags due to the conference.)
“Uh…. hi…. Sarah?”
“Good to see you. Eric and the rest of the gang are over there…. come on!”

And with that, I was led away from the bar and to a table where I spent the rest of the night drinking and talking with my new – very funny – friend. And at a time when my anticipatory grief was overwhelming, and my whole life had become about waiting for my husband to return from war – it was nice to have someone to remind me how to be “me” again.

Sarah is single and she became my partner-in-crime. We hit the town regularly, spent hours on the phone, cheered each other through victories and nursed each other through disappointments. Always, with laughter. Sarah calls me on my bad behavior, has the best stories about internet dating drama, and assures me that my most endearing quality is not my ability to be a loyal Army wife… it’s who I was before I met Paul – who I still am – that gives me that strength.

As your deployment begins, find one person in your life who makes you laugh and keep their number on speed dial. Sometimes, when it all seems like too much, it’s nice to have help forgetting about the military. There are days when the most important mission on the homefront will be keeping yourself sane. Find a girlfriend who is ready to report for duty. I am lucky to have two.

Read about Using Humor to Beat Deployment Stress

Read about Paul’s belief that humor is a deployment bonding tool