I read an interesting blog post today on the difference between unfounded worry and legitimate concern. Wow! It was eye-opening…. and I wish I’d read it during Paul’s deployment!

While Paul was in Afghanistan, I was a nervous wreck. I spent many sleepless nights and many afternoons unfocused and aimless in my life. I did have legitimate reasons to worry: Paul was doing a dangeorus job in a very dangerous place. But I wonder now if I let my emotions get the best of me.

You can read the original post on the blog Faith Deployed: Spritual Support for Military Wives.

Of course, it has a religious message, but even if you’re not particularly religious, I think there are a lot of good tips to be taken away… especially if you’re preparing for a deployment!

The military wife can live life without being consumed with worry, but can she be completely unconcerned for the safety of her husband and family? Hardly! Author Joanna Weaver got it right in her book Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World when she says there is a difference between the two. According to Weaver, here’s how to tell them apart.

Concern:
involves a legitimate threat
is specific (one thing)
addresses the problem
solves problems
looks to God for answer

Worry:
is often unfounded
is generalized (spreads to many things)
obsesses about the problem
creates more problems
looks to self or other people for answers

The book also offers the top 10 ways to tame worry. Here are a few of my favorites…. if I had it to do over again, I would have posted these on the refridgerator to remind myself!

*The following is an excerpt from p. 47 of Joanna Weaver’s book Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World (Waterbrook Press 2000).

Separate toxic worry from genuine concern. Determine if you can do anything about your situation. If so, sketch a plan to handle it.

Don’t worry alone. Share your concerns with a friend or a counselor. You may receive helpful advice. Talking your fears out with someone often reveals solutions that were invisible before.

Take care of your physical body. Regular exercise and adequate rest can defuse a lot of worry.  When our bodies are healthy, our minds can handle stress better and react more appropriately.

Do what is right. A guilty conscience can cause more anxiety than a world of problems. Do your best to live above reproach. Take care of mistakes quickly by confessing and seeking forgiveness.

Look on the bright side. Consciously focus on what is good around you. Don’t let yourself speak negatively, even about yourself.

Control your imagination. Be realistic about the problems you face. Try to live in the “here and now” not in the “what might be.”

Prepare for the unexpected. Put aside a cash reserve and take sensible measures so you’ll be ready if difficulties arise.