The last three times my husband deployed, we really didn’t have any trouble quickly getting back into the grove of things when he arrived home. Perhaps it was because we were younger, had less things to worry about and he didn’t have as much responsibility and stress as he did in his fourth deployment.

I’m still not really sure why this homecoming was the hardest, but it was. The first few days were just fine. But then I started to get worried because my husband couldn’t relax and couldn’t sit down. I think he came home and had everything off his “honey do list” in a few days. Not because he felt bad I had been taking care of everything for the past seven months, but because he had so much anxiety. He was even taking medication to sleep (prescribed by the doc).

His attention wasn’t all on me, which was hard for me to understand at first. I felt a bit disconnected and not really sure what to say or do to help him. He was always on edge. I couldn’t even walk in the same room as him unexpectedly because he would jump and get upset.

It took some time to realize how wound up he was and how stressful this deployment had been. He said he didn’t communicate that with me while he was deployed because he didn’t want me to worry. But that certainly didn’t help me understand where he was coming from when he got home.

To be honest, I don’t think my husband even realized how wound up he was when he got home. I knew there were places to turn if we needed help, but wanted to give it some time. Especially because we had planned a trip back home (Cleveland, OH) for a week and then a vacation to Monterey and San Francisco and thought that might help.

Luckily it did. Once we were away from the house Mike did begin to relax, but it did take some time. By the end of our trip to California, he was back to his old self again.

It was a bit scary at first because you never think this is going to happen to you, and that PTSD is just something they talk about in reunion workshops. But I began to understand my husband just needed some time to adjust from being in a war zone and worried about bringing all his men back home. He was worried about keep men alive and I was worried about cutting the grass and cleaning the house. It is quite a different experience.

I realized reunions are not just all about me, but about giving Mike the time and space to get back to being himself. With some time and open communication I was able to get my husband back about a month after he came home. Not what I was expecting, but a learning experience that will certainly help when that next dreaded deployment comes.