This week my husband called me at work and said he had the career opportunity of a lifetime to be 2^nd in command on an important mission. He was going to be deployed about 3 months; however, he had the opportunity to decline this mission since he hasn’t been home from his last deployment for a full 7 months (the USMC entitles Marines to a 7-month period at home before deploying again).

I felt a bit trapped when he asked me this. If I said no, it would be selfish and seem as if I wasn’t supporting his career. But the thought of him leaving again so soon crushed me. Also, I couldn’t really comprehend why he would want to leave me again.

I realize his mind isn’t on the thought of leaving me, but on the thought of being the 2^nd in command and having the opportunity to put his training into practice. His dad once explained to me that passing up opportunities to deploy is like being a football player sitting on the bench and never getting the opportunity to play the game. I guess that makes sense, but honestly, I don’t think I will ever truly understand. What about me? What about the fact I have to stay home and continue my normal routine of work, volunteering, tending to the house and the dog?

I did tell him it was fine with me to accept the mission; however, a day later I fully regretted my decision. I got upset with him and explained that I didn’t really feel I could say no. He said that is exactly why he called and included me in the decision because he was prepared for me to say no.

In the end, I don’t feel I could have said no without carrying the weight of guilt on my shoulders knowing he passed up this opportunity because of me. After all, I wouldn’t want him to tell me that I had to pass up the career opportunity of a lifetime.

So here we go again, deployment number 5 is looming in the near future.