To be honest, I never even thought about what I want to know and don’t want to know when my husband is deployed. It never even occurred to us to have this discussion.

I just assumed my husband was telling me everything because to be honest I cannot handle the truth when he is in a war zone. I would be sick to my stomach knowing what he had to see and experience. So for me it is better that he doesn’t tell me everything. I guess he knew I couldn’t handle the truth and perhaps he doesn’t even want to talk about it or relive the moments. It is probably a little of all the above.

For most military, I’m sure they just want to protect their loved ones. So be open with your loved one and tell them what you want and don’t want to know. Even if you do express you want to know as much as possible, I’m sure there are still things your loved one will just not share either because it is classified or they don’t feel comfortable telling you. There are some things they will only discuss with their buddies who were with them at the time.

I do my best to not let this upset me. I realize there are some things I will just not understand, and there are some things my husband will not want me to know because he is worried it might change my perception of him.

A few years ago I attended a reunion seminar and a military spouse who had been through many deployments shared a great story. She said her husband wouldn’t talk much about the deployment when he got home, but when the guys who he was deployed with came over he was chatting up a storm. She realized that she cannot take this personally and that there are some things her husband will never be comfortable sharing. She just needed to accept the fact and not take it personally.

I have always tried to respect my husband and what he wants to tell me and what he doesn’t. I trust that he tells me what I need to know and leaves out the details that would make me worry sick about him.

In fact after his 4th deployment, I realized there where many things he wasn’t telling me. I was a bit upset because I felt I could have helped him a bit, but then realized you cannot do much when you are 1,000s of miles away and all he wanted to do when he called or emailed was take his mind off things.