Just this past weekend, I learned about an old friend getting married. He is a doctor in the Army and his new bride is in the Air Force. Their story (see below) chronicles how even war cannot keep two people from falling in love and taking their relationship to the next level.  I wish them the best of luck and am excited for Scott to actually kiss the bride! 

What you are about to read is a chronicle of the most unromantic, off-the-wall, and bizarre marriage…but it’s ours and we’re happy about it. Enjoy.

Shelley and I had become very quick and close friends in early Jan ’09 after she agreed to come along with some friends on a last minute ski trip to Garmisch, in southern Germany. We started spending a lot of time together from that point on. After a few months of hanging out and making dinners several nights a week, Shelley broached the topic of dating more seriously with me, which I didn’t think was a good idea at the time. So, I told her no. It didn’t affect our friendship and the more I thought about it the more open I became to the idea. So, when we did the grand, group sailing trip on the Turkish coast last April, it really made sense and seemed right.

From that time on things moved forward very well for us and our friendship got better and better; we laughed more together and generally just had a really good time everywhere we went (which was a lot of places).

We had our first mini-test for the long haul by taking a two-week trip through Vicenza and Venice, Barcelona, and then Provence (France) for two weeks in September. It was a wonderful trip all the way through, which the exception of a couple hiccups (like when I got off the bus in the middle of Barcelona with my bags and the bus doors closed before Shelley could get off and it drove away and didn’t stop…I had the hotel name and number and she had the phone…obviously, we were okay in the end). Anyways, the trip was great and we knew my deployment was coming shortly, which, in my mind, was the REAL test for us.

I had, by that point, already been talking with some of my close friends and family that, if all went well with she and I during the deployment, that I would likely propose upon my return to Germany, but hopefully not until we had had a chance to actually meet one another’s families. Shortly after I left for deployment Shelley got news from the Air Force that they had changed her end-of-service in Europe date without asking her by moving it up 24 months. This would have forced her to move immediately unless she put in an extension, which she did. Unfortunately the extension is only good for 12 months, putting her still 12 months ahead of schedule to leave Europe. This would have meant that shortly after I was scheduled to return from Iraq she would have to move for a whole year back to the U.S. before leaving active duty (she is only allowed one extension). Obviously this was undesirable, especially considering my previous plans. I tried to reassure her that everything would be ok when I get back and I would try to work my connections to keep her around.

That sustained from November though the end of February. Then, all of a sudden the issue surfaced again with a vengeance, this time the Air Force telling her that she would definitely have to move this year. This is only true for single officers, however, as married military couples get added benefits of staying together through a joint spouse program. SO, I brought it up to her one day and we discussed getting married immediately upon my return, which we decided to go through with. Although the meeting of families obviously would be difficult to arrange before that, I at least discussed it with my family (who adores Shelley) and called her parents to discuss it as well. With all of their blessings we started planning how to make it happen in a hurry to keep her in Germany; it seemed like a good solution. Shelley’s commander seemed supportive of this and vowed to help make ends meet for us; we were both quite happy.

Then the issue resurfaced yet again, the same day, from the commander. Although, this time with bad news, “Even if you get married, they are STILL going to make you move this year. Your position has already been promised to someone else and she has already been contacted about it.” Shelley was crushed, poor thing. For anyone who has been around the military a while, you will recognize that this is a farce; you can ALWAYS change the situation if you act quickly. So, we started searching for other ways and, lo and behold, we came across two articles online (one in Stars and Stripes and one in the New York Times) about a crazy Montana law that allows for military service members serving overseas, which both of us are, to get married without being present. It allows for proxies to stand in your place for a civil ceremony to legally marry you, which gives one a valid marriage certificate recognized by all 50 states and all branches of the military. There are two services in Montana that can arrange it, so we hired a lawyer who got us the forms, which we immediately sent in. And, just like we thought, when the commander was informed of this, he admitted that marriage WILL change the situation, but that he needed to tell her that it wouldn’t to, in a nutshell, call her bluff. We didn’t tell anyone about this arrangement outside of our families and a few friends because it seemed so much to explain ahead of time. We thought we’d wait until it was done to tell the story instead.

Here, in Baghdad, my fellow Army counterparts were amazingly supportive and excited by the whole thing. It sparked a lot of conversation and my guy friends here were competing with each other to tell the most bizarre marriage story: “I knew my wife 4 months, married at 8 months, and that was 19 years and 4 kids ago…”; “I knew her one month before we lived together and married at 4 months, which was 17 years ago…”; “my wife married me for my dental plan!” Shelley got similar support from her colleagues at work, which was great.

Anyway, I got an email on Thursday night that our civil ceremony would take place on Friday, 19 March and that I would be contacted when it was all said and done. My friends here asked if Shelley was excited about getting hitched the following day. I responded with, “I don’t know. She’s in the field and doesn’t even know yet.” This drew some serious laughs at dinner.

Late last night we got a copy of our certificate over email, and it’s final. So, if anyone asks, you can tell them that on our wedding day, Shelley was playing “hospital” in a big field on Ramstein while I was seeing patients and hosting the Sather Air Base Trivia Night in Baghdad while we got married in Montana, a place where we haven’t been nor do we have any acquaintances. I am very thankful that Shelley and I are both very practical people and were both okay with the way this unfolded. Likewise we are thankful for the support that our families and friends have shown for this as well, especially considering how NON-traditional it is.

To answer your other questions, there will be an ACTUAL proposal at some point, complete with a knee and a ring and a hug and a kiss and maybe come crying (although knowing Shelley it will just be laughing). There will also be a more formal ceremony some time in the future. However, we are not even beginning to plan this and are unsure if we will have it done in Europe or back in the U.S. We’ll see. At this point don’t bother asking Shelley about it as we agreed to not even think about it or discuss it until I return home from Iraq in the beginning of May.

Ok, is that all clear now? If not, scroll to the top and read it again. Lovely!