Predeployment is like an emotional roller coaster for me. I’m sad because my husband is leaving. I’m mad at the government for taking my husband to war. I’m stressed because I want my husband to help me get as much done around the house as possible before he leaves. And I’m happy when we get to spend quality time together.

Tonight was a one of those stressful nights. My husband was helping me get something from the attic, and I remembered a time last year during his deployment when I couldn’t find something in the attic because it was a mess. I was livid that he left the attic in that state. It is fine when he is the only one going up there, but what about when he’s gone and I have to find something?

So I continued to nag him about how he needs to do more before he leaves. I’m especially paranoid for this deployment because from what Mike is telling me, he will have very little access to phones and computers. What if I need something and cannot find it?

I realize there is no way we can plan for every situation and it is inevitable that I will not be able to find something. I guess if that happens, I just ask my neighbor for it. I’m trying to convince myself that it isn’t the end of the world.

Now that we spent the little time we get to spend each night arguing (well mostly me blowing off steam), I feel terribly guilty.

So here we are back on the roller coaster of redeployment. For better or worse, we are just starting up the first big hill.